This feeling that´s growing inside me isn´t unaccustomed, it was actually rather a good friend of mine. A friend that had followed my path for a year or so now, maybe more. I thought it was getting better – I thought I was getting better. The feeling of happiness was for a while all around me, the medications were working and even though my friends were fighting and it wasn´t going very well in school I didn´t mind. Because I had all I could have ever asked for – I had you. I shared everything with you and you were the first one to come in mind in the morning. The one I always longed for, even when I was right there talking to you.
I was planning longterm for us, I even thought about doing things I didn´t really want to, just to make you happy. It´s kind of sad actually now, that I let myself attach so tightly – just to be forced away. I don´t say we had it easy, because we didn´t. But in a way I hoped that you would wait for me, that I was that important to you.
Right now I´m feeling kind of empty, like someone just burned up the book I was desperately wanting to finish reading. I´m fine, or at least I will be. But for now, I´m just waiting for someone to hand me anther book. Maybe not one with the same storyline – but at least another book.
P.S. I´m going to be writing a bit of these kinds of texts, it´s another hobby of mine.